Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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