The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
