keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
