Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
