He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize