Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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