even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I looked at my own cervix.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
