But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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