i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
