i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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