You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
