sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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