I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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