Sponge bath it is.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
