please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
