it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
