Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
