Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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