actually, I'm a sock model
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
