I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
