That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
