summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize