We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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