Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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