I need to stop coming to work sober
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
