I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize