she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
