Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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