I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just invented taco cereal.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
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