i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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