But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
