I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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