I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
