like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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