Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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