Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
