Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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