Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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