So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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