she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The uberlube is also flammable
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
