i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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