I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
someone owes me an orgasm
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
