You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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