I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
