Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
