the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just found puke in my bra..
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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