He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
