I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
