He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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