Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
