then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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