I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
