I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
