The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
