Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
