I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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