i think i have two assholes
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
