I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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