You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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