Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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