I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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