Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
