I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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