She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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