How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
