Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
