her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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